I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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