dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
