I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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