I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
