You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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