Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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