BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
