you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
