My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
