my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
