My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize