what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Randomize
