New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
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