I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
