These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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