I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
