all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize