break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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