It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
The air was thick with penises
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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