she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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