he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
