That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
