oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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