So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize