I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
