I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
