yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
