I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
