I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Randomize
