I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I am one with the molecules
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
