he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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