im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
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