Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
