shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
