omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
So here I am, sexting at work.
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