i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Randomize
