my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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