dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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