I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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