the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
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