letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
