It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
