I puked a lego.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
