i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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