I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
The struggles of a small town man whore
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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