while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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