we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
