toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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