My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
