You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
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