I bet he comes in French.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
farters have to be the big spoon...
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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