I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
